A Grasshopper That Wasn’t

486772_4893510367844_2141503980BPhnom Penh, Cambodia

It was hot, scorching making an omelette hot when she walked in wearing a winter jacket. Granted it felt refrigerated in the tiny chapel and even though, the air was blasting, she wasn’t feeling it as her face looked sultry, red from the sweat.

Anguish pierced through her face as she was acting strange, walking mercifully slow like a grasshopper, going through the motions mechanically like a mummy.

Dragging like a methodic robot commanded from afar, never cracking a smile, she took her time getting to the chair. Never quivering, strolling like a walking dead, always looking up straight at whatever infinite, she looked desponded, stoic.

I wondered what was pestering her as she kneeled close to me but quickly set that aside as we were in church, praying, venerating God, was what we were there for.

We stayed a while, I doing the rosary with the rest of the peeps and she continuously looking beyond, piercing the altar to the Holy Sacrament, as if looking for some kind of validation, a solution to her suffering that never came.

None of us at the time had an answer for her but many disposed of a tool that could bring her some peace and comfort, prayers.

The rosary was over and she was still looking confused and dazed. Reflecting.

I stood up to leave but she stayed put. She did not blink but I needed to leave. She was looking down, mummified, her face ambiguous, fatigued transmitting through.

I wanted to hug her but was scared out of my wits to even try, witless she would shove me off and pull my back against the wall. Still standing, bewildered, a bit perturbed yet intrigued.

I was still wondering about the broken being, when I heard convulsive hurried sounds to realize they were… sniffles. I looked down and there she was shaking, moaning quietly, unengineered tear drops genuinely pouring down her face in avalanche and she impotent to wipe them off. They were coming from a place of discomfort, hurt and she needed not to utter it to me, I felt it. I figure this much, as tears put it all in perspective. Without uninvited details, I knew something was heavy and planting its seed and, there wasn’t a thing I could do.

I left the church that day, troubled, insects cocooning through my brain, disappointed I did not reach out to her. I hoped she found comfort in the prayers and healed her heart. I have been there. I know how it feels and how life stories can incredibly creep up on you, make a salad out of you and you are too exhausted to even sneeze.

It is never easy to mend a troubled heart but one can conquer wonders with the grace of the Almighty. I hope she is somewhere today, looking straight at the infinite, smiling at the skies and counting her blessings just because someone was listening that day and not judging her grieving soul.

Life Lesson 101

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Somewhere in Myanmar

The school of life is a diploma that no one can take away from you. It is yours to keep, yours to embrace. It lectures you. It strengths you. It transforms you. It transports you. It gives you, you. Yes, life is one skillful academia with its own master of ceremony, and even if it knocks you down, clouds hover over you and the world appears to be going down the drain with no hopes, persevere. Look straight into your goal and smile. Keep going, slap any curb that comes your way and march on.  Don’t give up or become slave to it. Fight and become an awesome individual God has carved you up to be because hope is the last thing to die; yes hope!