Better Then Yesterday

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Siena, Italy

I hope that through my life’s journey I have prepared well and stored riches in heaven. Did I love God enough? Did I serve him well by my example? Did I give to the least of my brethren? Did I feed the poor? Did I visit the prisons? Did I fight for injustice? Did I walk through life knowing that we all are brother’s in Christ, we are connected? Did I worship as I should? Most likely “No”, I could have done much better, we always can. We just have to try a little harder.

I pray each day that I do become a better person, a little bit better then yesterday, a better version of myself, tomorrow; one He will be proud of. 

©️ Angela Aguiar

A Grasshopper That Wasn’t

486772_4893510367844_2141503980BPhnom Penh, Cambodia

It was hot, scorching making an omelette hot when she walked in wearing a winter jacket. Granted it felt refrigerated in the tiny chapel and even though, the air was blasting, she wasn’t feeling it as her face looked sultry, red from the sweat.

Anguish pierced through her face as she was acting strange, walking mercifully slow like a grasshopper, going through the motions mechanically like a mummy.

Dragging like a methodic robot commanded from afar, never cracking a smile, she took her time getting to the chair. Never quivering, strolling like a walking dead, always looking up straight at whatever infinite, she looked desponded, stoic.

I wondered what was pestering her as she kneeled close to me but quickly set that aside as we were in church, praying, venerating God, was what we were there for.

We stayed a while, I doing the rosary with the rest of the peeps and she continuously looking beyond, piercing the altar to the Holy Sacrament, as if looking for some kind of validation, a solution to her suffering that never came.

None of us at the time had an answer for her but many disposed of a tool that could bring her some peace and comfort, prayers.

The rosary was over and she was still looking confused and dazed. Reflecting.

I stood up to leave but she stayed put. She did not blink but I needed to leave. She was looking down, mummified, her face ambiguous, fatigued transmitting through.

I wanted to hug her but was scared out of my wits to even try, witless she would shove me off and pull my back against the wall. Still standing, bewildered, a bit perturbed yet intrigued.

I was still wondering about the broken being, when I heard convulsive hurried sounds to realize they were… sniffles. I looked down and there she was shaking, moaning quietly, unengineered tear drops genuinely pouring down her face in avalanche and she impotent to wipe them off. They were coming from a place of discomfort, hurt and she needed not to utter it to me, I felt it. I figure this much, as tears put it all in perspective. Without uninvited details, I knew something was heavy and planting its seed and, there wasn’t a thing I could do.

I left the church that day, troubled, insects cocooning through my brain, disappointed I did not reach out to her. I hoped she found comfort in the prayers and healed her heart. I have been there. I know how it feels and how life stories can incredibly creep up on you, make a salad out of you and you are too exhausted to even sneeze.

It is never easy to mend a troubled heart but one can conquer wonders with the grace of the Almighty. I hope she is somewhere today, looking straight at the infinite, smiling at the skies and counting her blessings just because someone was listening that day and not judging her grieving soul.

Life in an Instance

Hello
I got a txt the other day from a family member, five thousand miles away, asking me to help a friend to find a moving-in ready apartment for approximately a month. The lady had been visiting my heck of the wood on a two weeks vacation, with her two sons, mind you the visit was on the sick kid bucket list, when she got a blow no mother expects to receive on the first day she set foot on a foreigner land for the very first time.

One of her kids began convulsing, non-stop, convulsing and convulsing. As a medical doctor herself and understanding the dainty situation, she run to the hospital in the vicinity, which coincidentally is one of the best in the country, and he has been there ever since. That was five days ago. Tests and more tests have yet to reveal anything conclusive but since we are never in control of any ship, the Almighty is, we can only pray and hope, this is just a funny way of welcoming this family to America and nothing sinister. Lord only knows why He brought them here in the first placeSo, let’s us hope, have faith that we will a have more beautiful and blessed ending to this story.