The Irony in a Box, The Octuplets’ Mom

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The mother of eight says that having children is what she ever wanted. Good, no argument there and more power to her! I am pleased she feverishly pursued and achieved her goal. I am also proud of her for taking the stance and having the courage to step forward with her conviction. Lovely! What else a single woman can want besides having an army of kids?! Brilliant! I am ecstatic; bring up the troops!

I mean, Nadya Suleman is to the money; she followed a picture perfect well choreographed script – pardon me, I can feel the beejebs niggling (mutating) in my petunia – so, why aren’t her comrades in chief, champions of the cause coming to her rescue? They should be smiling, tapping her on the back, kicking up their heels, dancing Macarena, hoopla, playing the bongo and the piper at the pier. They should be having a family feast, inviting the entire neighborhood, praying and tango to the celebration; instead everyone is silent. The temperature is so blue, the wind so spongy that I can even hear the aunts scavenging for food. Hummmm!

I am yet to hear from the Right to Life citizens or see them standing at hospital main entrance holding their idiomatic flags, standing firm with a grin of “I told you so” and acknowledging with an approval stamp that they have finally arrived?! I have yet to see the Right to Life soldiers and legions of sound followers brandishing their banners up, and spewing their acrimony lingo that they finally have their trophy. Where are they and why are they taking so long? I mean, it is not like she decided to abort the babies! It is not like she has terminated a few by using the process of elimination. It is not like she disappointed them. She delivered all, at once, like a rabbit; she had all 8 (her belly looked like glued stack of playdo) in one drop… “cow paw” and they were all out.

It was so endearing to see all the Drs and nurses who oversaw the delivery standing behind the podium, flaunting their Pepsodent smile, grinning ecstatically while announcing to the world that they had won the Powerball;( hoops! No, they helped to deliver eight tiny bundle of joy).

My first reaction was astonishment! I did not want to believe that it was even humanly possible a person carry eight flocks in her belly less again it stretching that far out – plastic surgeon heaven – and being able to carry it to term. But mostly, I was left to ask why, really why? Why was she willing to have them all at once, I mean there is nothing wrong with triplets or twins, one pair at time until you reach 14 like the Duggar from Rogers, Arkansas did!

I could not wait for the pictures; I was anxious to see what they looked like. I had this idea cocooned in my head but needed confirmation and just as I expected, they look just like that, baby “wabbits” but just bigger because let’s face it, one little stomach can only hold so much. I was not disappointed. They reminded me of the hours old baby rabbits I last saw on my parent’s farm; cute and cuddly – not that I am calling them rabbits at all.

At the beginning, there was jubilation (everybody clap your hands!) then it was shock and then bewilderment (say what?). And then there was the hospital personnel (good morning, I am Dr…and nurse so assisted on…) walking into the fray with Jumbotron smiles, mushroomed behind the podium on the path of camera view, flashbulbs here, flashbulbs there, one by one taking turns answering questions, explaining how the delivery went, how long it took, who was involved, which of the babies came first, which was last, their names (no one knew then), their weight, their genders and their mother (finally!). They wanted details and then some but no one was getting it; well at least not the juicy part. Nadya (very soothing name) was nowhere to be found and was kept out of the spotlight. We soon met her, first through her parents and then when she appeared on the interview on NBC.

Even though, there were indignation and concerns regarding the number of babies, people were willing to cut the mother some slack as everyone was still in shock, anesthetized and taken aback by the news. But things hastily went sour the instance the world was introduced, came to know the mother closely, and learned that she not only had the one’s she just gave birth to but six others (hit the buzzer please?!) making them a total of fourteen; fourteen little beings under the age of 7 enough for a basketball, soccer or handball, or maybe tennis (pairs) teams. It became apparent that it was not her first pregnancy but her third, all achieved via the in vitro fertilization (I hope she tied her tubes!) and that she has been receiving public assistance. Oh Lordy, she just incited a earthquake; if she even knew!

Soon it became “Oh my God”, “what was she thinking” or “how she is going to take care of them”! I don’t see the reason for the questions. She did exactly what the cause professes; she did exactly what the cause embalms; she had the babies; she did not “kill” any; she dropped them all, so where is the beef? Interesting to point that money (how much it cost to jump start the project) has never been point of contention (even though, we are in recession and could help caring for her kids) but the debate has been more on the brushstrokes of how dare her have all eight at one drop when she already has six others. My friends state that it is the whole attitude of how she went by to accomplish it and I am like which attitude? She wanted to be a mother and she chose this method and…?  She is definitely not getting any sympathy from a lot of folks.

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Given that she has fulfilled the dogma modus operandi, what the crusade advocates, hence why is everyone up in arms as if she has committed the worse sacrilege in the face of this earth? Why are they so mortified, enraged – some leaving vitriolic and threatening calls to the point of her needing protection (added tax payer money)? I mean, she seems to truly care for the children. It is not like she appears postal; she seems to be genuinely (?) secured of her decision. She has had nine months to think about it after all. Why her impeding pregnancy event was not announced then until the babies were dropped, is besides me.

Where are the legions of churchgoers who preach and make some of us, see our graveyard just because we churn out “you are responsible and have the right to chose what you do with your own body”! Where are the defenders of “Roe vs Wade” who are adamant about the right to live at all costs and forms, and the principle that only their creed and no one else is right? Why aren’t they parading like Mardi Gras floats to help carrying for these babies? I thought that all brothers and sisters of the cause would be camping at her doorstep, lifting the banner and proclaim “power to the people”, yes we have arrived instead of commiserate silently? Where are you?

I have not seen anyone stepping out; I have not seen anyone coming forward!? Isn’t this the time for all to show the world the goods and what they are all about, come together and scream “Hell Mary”? Isn’t this the time for them to show that they really mean what they preach? Isn’t this the time for them to band in concert and support the cause, put their lectures into practice?  It is obvious she will need assistance, forget about the fact that she will not be able to do it alone; I am assuming, round the clock feeding, diaper changes, trips to the Dr; and then some. Grandma will not be the catalyst and the savior neither will calgon take her away. This is going to be one daycare center.

The right to life citizens should step up and march to their own drum, come clean! Why just swim when the tide is high and not when the river is low. This would be an excellent opportunity for them to prove that they are a force to be reckoned with, and they are serious in their cause. Don’t just talk the talk, do the walk too. Fess up and man up; time to show your cajones. Personally, I think she is over her head and not balancing all together but to each his own; who am I to judge.

Has she touched a nerve or what?!

Oh, I understand what the annoyance is! It is not printed on stone but behind the smelly, toxin-filled smoke waft from bellowing furnaces. The uprising is mostly because she is a single mother and with no daddy, yes no daddy at home. Therefore, the nuclear “family” is absent and her unconventional one does not count.  It is one or nothing, the father, the mother and the children?!

Reversal of fortune and irony of it, is that unbeknownst to many, the covert desertion of the Right to Life begins to nurture, something hardly gossiped, as soon as the alarm bell goes off. After the curtains dies down, everyone ghostly walks back to their respective homes, leaving the wounded to rotten alone. True to form, no one comes to pray, rescue or care to help after the seed is implanted. They should run up to and side with Nadya with open arms but the fact of the matter is that I have yet to see a member of the Right to Life people volunteering or be the flag barrier for the cause after the hoopla dies down. I do not see them marching on to take all the unwanted beings currently living in foster care or on the streets after they have been abandoned by their parents.

So who will suffer? The babies. The birthing of these kids akin the economical situation we are currently experiencing. Now that they are here what to do, something has to be done but what? Move them to a homeless shelter (now that the family is about to lose grandma’s apartment) or offer (because they can even afford that many diapers) them a home  – taxpayers to the rescue! I mean, I hate to say it but the government is already paying for the other six matters as well continue. She is in time of need and for the benefit and sanity of these kids we as society wanting or not, have the responsibility (it is a choice off course) to provide the minimal condition to help them grow and become good citizens.

But wait a minute, really, pretense aside; how dare her?! How selfish and unconsidered of her.  Now, we are left to pay for her misdeeds and calculated idiocy. No wonder why a war has been waged.

Funny, how things turned out. She really had a choice and followed through; the right to have her fourteen kids. What is the wise thing to do? Give them for adoption or put them in foster care before things go south. Not that I am anticipating adversity but the road is bound to be overwhelming. How long will the support team be available; there is if one is ever amassed? It is too much of a burden for only one woman to take care of.

It is interesting to note that a measure was just approved last week by the North Dakota House that gives a fertilized human egg the legal rights of a human being. I wonder what took them so long.  Yeah, I can see the embryo defending itself in the court of law and make decisions against the “predator” (oops, the mother – a stranger to me and you carrying a baby on her own womb). I think the family should move to North Dakota.

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Then You Have Michael Phelps …

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Who found himself in a pot-related squabble worth the size of Mount Rushmore! Here is a kid, yes a kid let’s not forget he is only 23 years old except that he has this huge saddle of responsibility dumped on his back just because he excelled on what he does best. A kid with everything going for him, so they say, who cannot partake in one of the “joys” of college campus; suddenly he is a hero, a role model kids can look up to. Ok, whatever you say. I wonder what happened to your own daddy!

C’mon, let’s face it, it is just pot people, no biggy; nothing major I assume; just some kid trying to have a good time with his homies (so called) or at least he assumed they were, packed with cell phones and cameras (signs of the time we live in; a regrettable atmosphere to say the least.). I mean whatever happened to “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”? Whatever happened to when celebrities were able to gracefully take pictures without worries or reprisals that their most compromising poses would appear on any of the handful gossip (legit they are still not to me) websites?

The new celebrities became slaves of the new age we have created. We tag along like mummified corpuses obsessed with anything celebrity.   They can do no wrong but we keep forgetting that they are humans as we. If I were a celebrity thank God I am not, I would be considered a mock like Jessica Alba. She hardly smiles (well, she is doing it a lot lately ever since the birth of her child), indicative that perhaps, she is not amused neither enjoys being the “cover girl”. I bet Michael can’t even clean his lips with his underwear; someone will hear about it. Let the guy have some fun.

What is the commotion? My old suitemate, along with the basketball players, used to do it all the time. Granted, she was suspended for bad grades after two semesters – I wonder where she is now – but the parties were endless. All I heard across the room were a bunch of happy people. The fact of the matter is marijuana should not be allowed in college campus period but it is, and unless college administrators intend to rid the dorms of the bad behavior, it will always be there.

On the other hand, he should have known better that there is always danger lurking and its consequences. Then again when you are that young, your judgment is hampered by your infantilism. We don’t have to pretend that we are grown at that age because we aren’t.

Now, his once youth indiscretion has tarnished his reputation and turned into a situation not to take lightly; you are no longer a young kid but an adult who no longer holds the envelope of excuses my friend! You by design became a role model by default after winning eight gold medals. You now rub elbows with the big leagues and since you have been placed in that pedestal, you are regarded as God and can no longer afford hiccups. By virtue you became this big person and a paradigm for young people – as if they did not have anyone in their family (then again who wants to be like a screw up member of the family?). You are just a kid (who can procreate, so ???). You now walk on high waters, everyone worships you and your dog, bend in and out for your graces but as you have learned, the minute you sneeze, oh Lord, you are dead. You become one appalling individual, persona non grata with callous and cynical characters disregarding you as a human being prune to mistakes. So, here you have; welcome to fame and fortune, the life of a celebrity; hopefully you learned your lesson.

Funny, my girlfriend told me the other day that her grandfather is using medicinal marijuana to help him cope with his disease. At first I found myself laughing uncontrollably than the seriousness of the issue settled in immediately.  But the whole scenario is amusing. I pictured the elder man sitting in his porch, rocking his chair and enjoying his joint… No, my friend’s granddad is pretty sick so, he is not rocking anything but according to her, he did a one eighty ever since he started using. So, buzz off; take one for the herb.

Yet, how hypocritical! There are countless of other 23 years old, just like Michael who are no longer considered kids but adults who are not only paying the price of humiliation but incarcerated just for marijuana violations. They are not getting a pass; they are not going to treatment but to jail instead not because of their second but their first indiscretions. Would he be getting the same treatment if he was Hussein Bolton of Jamaica? I wonder! Perhaps, it would have been a different story altogether; a not so settled media uproar that would have broken and shaken the world; a not so tamed scandal that would have left some to mutter that they are not surprised.  C’mon, if you are you or me and if the police stops us and finds a little joint in the car, we are dead! We are apprehended, handcuffed and thrown in the slammer to rotten unless we are able to afford a good lawyer.

The thing is he was not be forced to give up his medal, the Olympic committee just handed him his so deserving (slap) punishment– three months suspension and only lost a few endorsements. While others were indicted, he has gotten a free pass. Second chances are hard to come by so he better take advantage of it. The fact of the matter is that weed is an illegal substance; there is no question about it. I am pretty sure Michael Phelps has learned his lesson; I mean, after this and the DUI, there better not be a next! He has done the two heinous tolerable by court of public opinion; one more and he is dead. Capiche?!

Judd Gregg, Knucklehead of the Week

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“I couldn’t be Judd Gregg”, he said.  Senator say what?! You couldn’t be you? What, you didn’t know you signed up to be Commerce Secretary Nominee for a leader of a different party?  You didn’t know you are a fiscal conservative? You didn’t know you were in discord with the President on a number of issues? What?! You didn’t know you were on the other side of the pendulant when you agreed to be the voice of anything business, trade and census? You didn’t know?! C’mon even the rat knew it!

No reason to pass judgment, you deserve a breather; so I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and accept your rationale! You agreed to build the filing cabinet and for a minute there thought you would handle the sledgehammer; it is not hard to comprehend to grasp. It is not like you were oblivious to the blatant ideological difference between you and the President; you knew it full throttle! Were you just too excited or got sidetracked by your surreptitious schema; anyway touché!  It is not like you were invited to the shindig. Last I heard you volunteered to be Mr. Secretary because let’s face it, who would have invited you anyway. In the spirit of bipartisanship, however, the President and his peeps extended and accepted you with open arms (they might be kicking themselves in the bun just about now but who cares?)There is nothing wrong with a little awkwardness as Tim Gunn of Project Runaway would say “Carry on!”.

No one other then you and perhaps your associates know what happened.  Perhaps, you were pressured by your party (I wonder if they also drag your hand to the bathroom or your feet down a cliff) or you alone came to the realization that the ideological differences were too greater venture you sought to tackle; not worth the fight. I wonder if you regret the decision (I doubt it!) but then again, what difference does it make?! The decision has been made! I just wished you were a tad more forthcoming, and hoped the decision was not as a result of your constituents and local paper’s condemnation of you not having voted for the bill.

Anyway, have you been listening to Rush Limbaugh’s mantra (he wants the President to fail) but you should have at least gone with Pat Robinson. He called on Rush for a change and wished he had not said that! Last I heard (that’s the word out), you and your party are betting all the way to 2010; presumptuously you will come victorious and get more of your dudes in the tank. Right on!  What a gamble, I may add. I never thought you had it on you, considering that we, the tax payers are losing our jobs like poo (pardon me!) and are the ones who will be voting come November 2010!

Really, what caused you to abruptly quit? I mean, your seat filling demand was fulfilled; all was ablaze as your Democratic Governor appointed a member of your party (I hoped she did not pack her bags)! Had you stayed you could have perhaps, made a difference, who knows?! It is always nice to have a different view to rattle the jingle a bit. As the world turns! Maybe you realized that you would be missing your Senate compadres too much and thought the break up would be devastating to your psyche (I wonder how much input you really have on your party!) I gotcha you! You were on your way to losing it all, so better be safe than sorry.

What do you prefer, rally round around a frail nation, be an instrument and help it thrive once again (this is subjective) or be a bully and an assailant and an obstructionist. Again, I am not trying to be an adjudicator but anyone in a calamitous state would accept any kind of provisional backing, not a handout whatever it may be, as long as it would propel the person back into ascension again. I mean, it is fair right or would you rather lose it all based on your core belief. Is the constant wrestling match and bickeringreally worth?  Well, if you are anything like Michele Bachmann all is possible. I digress!

My question is, so what if this stimulus plan really ends up making a difference and the economy subsides with everyone praising and giving accolades to the President – for having at least attempted to do something – and the democrats, then what? Where would it leave you? Would you bang your head on a hard surface until it bleeds and lament your heart out while acknowledging that you were just being a pest or just get your slap and move on?

On the other hand, (what!) did you expect the president to be so saddened, dejected and lose sleep over your decision? Hello?! He invited you to the party but needed not to. He sent you an attractive invitation adorned with accolades and fanfare via a messenger but you failed to reciprocate. The table settings were perfect but you at the last minute decided to jump ship.  This is after you RSVPed; the dinner paid, the menu designed and waiters lined up.  He got your message and the excusable explanation. Did you think the party would stop?! Did you think the President would cry, roll over his bed in a fetal position and beg you to stay? You probably thought so right!? Sorry to disappoint you but he just brushed you off his shoulder like a pestering dandruff.

Let’s be honest Mr. President, c’mon what did you think? Could you have been greener than you pretend to be or you were just being an austere politician? You mischievous self!  I see! You campaigned and preached so much about working across the aisle that you began to believe it was actually possible. Yeah, me too! Forget inclusiveness; you can only include those who are interested in doing so! You attempted to do the unthinkable (which is possible, if people are cooperative!), entice a group that is unwilling to join the cause because it is “your” cause as if it was given to you as a souvenir (in a way it actually was).

The fact of the matter is that the Republicans are bent on and were never looking for to be part of the team. God forbid they try (they may end up putting too much salt on the meal) or even think about ours – the tax payer’s – needs; solve the problems of the country and not the desires of their party. Their intend is and always will be to sabotage you, your agenda, your goals (this is with any party). God forbid if the country actually moves ahead. Make you look good?! It is a fallacy. They fail to understand that if you succeed, the country succeeds.

Mr. President, it is not your fault they cuddled themselves on being bad stepbrothers. It is not your fault they are being browbeaten and looking for a great score, so they can chuckle “we told you so”. It is not your fault they did not crop stack of ideas at cracked of dawn and at last minute attempted to extend a hand; it is not your fault! They choose to drop the ink on a portion of paper plate and strike a chord that their plan was better, and there isn’t anything you could have done about it.

Mr. President I blame you, however. It is your fault for having undervalued their strength, resolve and fervor, and beliefs that they understand these are special times.  I do not blame them for trying to distance themselves from you. (This is after you and your comrades presented them with written proposals, laid them on the kitchen counter and expected them to stick to at the click of the switch!) Did you really believe they would just adhere to you like puppets, without giving their two cents? Hello, they are your brothers too; they are sons and daughters of your mother so listen to what they have to say (you just don’t have to follow it). Really, who do you think they are? There is pride to contend with after all; the wounded carcass searching for a frame.

“The road to recovery will not be straight. We will make progress and there will be slippage along the way. There will be hazards and reverses… But I have every confidence that if we are willing to do the critical work that needs to be done…. Then we will leave the struggling economy behind us….

“It’s about rejecting the notion that our fate is somehow written for us,” the president said, “and instead laying claim to a destiny of our own making.” President Barack Obama