Your Not So Perfect Hero

IMG_5961 copy

I left in the middle of the day to run an errand, finding myself cornered by a vulture, aka Tony the dog boss, when I got back in the office, ready to stick his powerful bills in whatever part of my unchartered soul he could penetrate.

He stormed in my cubicle, wanting to know how long it would take me to perform a task. No reason was given, no contract signed but he just wanted to know now and now.

Startled, I asked if he was looking for me to time myself. “Do you want me to stop and go the clock, just like the sprinter in the collegian invitational or the recipe in the oven, the hour, the minute, the second, record every time I stopped to take a minute to breathe or go to the loo, how I went from point A to point B? Do you want it now just like that, obey the light at your street corner traffic light at the moment you walked in, just like the motor vehicle at assembly line or a jeopardy contestant? Do you want me to be my own babysitter?” “Basically”, he replied.

I was in agony to even attempt to answer back. The short stretch bandage over my left arm sucking up blood off me was not an indication to him that all was not well but he looked like he had just come out of the Mardi Gras parade and wasn’t ready to remove his costume just yet.

I was not int the mood to deal with him or anyone else for that matter and he like a dog in heat but crisply replied that I didn’t know, actually I didn’t care; it depends, I remarked. He walked away to I receiving that perfectly crafted meeting invite minutes later, right before quitting time, at four thirty I may add.

I took one look at the email, felt my head spinning, exploding, the fume spewing off my nostrils, my stomach growling, cracking out of my soul, the motor engine creeping up on me with such a force I was ready to puke and make french fries out of him. If swear was a symbol, it would have been my middle name.

I stalled long enough to see the daylight. I heard the saliva floating down my esophagus, the sweat walking slowly across my spine as I calmly step back. I took a deep breath. I needed a few minutes of misery free decongested trafficless moment to ingest it all in and let it be; reflect on it, how I was to control myself long enough not to present him with a platter filled of beautiful colored words and force of pound cake on his forehead.

There I was, engulfed in flames, pacing myself like one enraged roaster in the bathroom, doing the hula dance, jumping off the cliff of beating down notebook to realizing, I had a doctors note, what the heck was I thinking; I had the doctors note. I should have gone home but went to work to clean up a few things but was sent to prison instead. I clicked the declined button faster then I could read the teleprompter, walked by his office and waved at him with a smile to his bewildered face, “good night sir”.

Just The Way We Are

53337696_2152968464725830_2074897446567149568_n

I was trying to think of a message for my #2 positive message of this day, when I stumbled upon this: each of us is beautiful, just the way we are and God intended us to be. Society wants us to believe there is something wrong with us, we should be thinner, taller, handsome, knocked out dead gorgeous, dressed up for the ages and on and on and on. But don’t believe it. It is all you, what comes from within. Not the outer layer of you. When you go to your grave, people won’t remember what kind of suit you were wearing, if it was a Jordan or Nike, how great your eyes looked in that teal eye shadow or how perfect that outfit hugged your curves or how those 5 inch heels shaped your calves (and ruined your feet), nail color. They will remember the essence of you – how you lived your life, how you made them feel, the things you did for others, and who you were inside. Remove the facade and let it be. Know that you are perfect and beautiful, just as you were born and intended to be.

©️Angela Aguiar

My 2018. Goodbye!

Years ago, let’s just say a few very not so distant months back, I embarked in this journey that only God could have taken me to and He alone knows where and when it will end. It is called, new beginning.

The beginning I have transformed myself into that even I don’t recognize. The beginning perhaps, is age, maturity or the one He had planned all along, I don’t know. The only thing I know, the road leading to it hasn’t been easy at times, excruciatingly incomprehensible but I am here, not quiet just there yet.

I learned I needed not to be afraid, not that guarded all the time but have faith, surround to the elements and once I did, I was able to embrace whatever and see it for what it is, tomorrow.

But just yesterday I stopped making plans as they would always end up with holes in them frustrating my mundane mornings of carousels. I stopped as, unbeknownst to me they were being written, they were never coming to fruition due to holes and I never understood why.

I just kept going, like Merry Go Round. So, I learned to let go and talk less about the plans as it became clear it wasn’t my job to write them but embrace whatever was already laid out in front of me.

I have been on an exploratory committee of sorts, on a train to tomorrow, an endless tomorrow that has shown its beauty, amplifying its tireless doors, drinking from a make believe bottle and I am liking it.

Tomorrow can never be promised but it can be a party, a party of life and you are invited but it is up to you however, to do whatever you want with the invitation.

To my family and peeps, I love you dearly. To you I will say, I had temporarily taken a detour but I am back. Hooray to new beginnings. Shout out to 2019. May you have an Awesome, Happy and Blessed Year. Much Love! ❤🙏🙏🙏😘